Status Update, Captain…
I thought the most pertinent question that everyone out there in internet land would want to know was, where am I at with the construction of the site? You know. Because the world is holding their breath waiting for what I’m hoping to produce. You are, right?! I’m not just talking to myself, right?
The truth is, the most pertinent question right now is why the hell am I doing this? What is my mission? For that, I don’t have the best answer. Right now, with as dismayed as I am with the state of what I can only hope will remain the American nation by the time anyone reads this, the why I am trying to make a website is to make a living being creative. Sell shit. Plain and simple. I need to supplement my income because I’ve taken a risk to pursue what seems to be, for lack of a better term, my soul’s purpose.
It occurred to me at the end of last year, that I am a notoriously hard working and efficient employee, but I spend so little time busting my ass for my own hopes and dreams. Originally, all I dreamt of was becoming a working filmmaker (hopefully director/producer), but that dream is fading faster and faster as I near 50. Now, I just want to pull in enough income from my artistic style to make time for the really big creative projects I want to do. When I realized, if I could put even five hours of work at the level I do for other businesses, that I might just be able to pull this off.
The biggest issue of all is that I’ve never been a beacon of confidence, and I’ve always assumed that no one wants my art, much less be willing to pay for it. That part of me won’t change overnight, but I’m finally believing I can do it. No, I must do it. Physically, I’m probably not going to be able to stay in the semi-arduous job I’m in. I’ll probably need proper health insurance someday soon, and I can’t afford it with the income I’ve been making. You know, despite having a degree and making others ‘proud’ of me. This change has been coming. I’m not sure yet how to navigate it. I’m a little off the map.
Which comes to the last part of the why. It’s not just the income to support myself. I truly do believe there’s some good in my work. As pretentious as I feel like I sound, I only need to look at the banner image on my About page to remind myself that my pretentiousness is tempered by a healthy dose of levity. I probably won’t change the world. My message might get missed altogether by most. Still… I believe there’s some chord in us all that my art resonates with. Building bridges between people. Overlaping worlds instead of ramming them into each other.
I truly believe there’s harmony within my work, if you are open to seeing it. Open to feeling it.
I haven’t been the biggest fan of myself pretty much my whole life. I’ve lost touch with a lot of the people in my life I still care about and am kinda ashamed to try and get it touch. I can’t really change the past, but I am starting to say some good things about me. One of them being that I am a good artist and good storyteller. I have vision. I’m able to do some things that not many others can do. I have a potential that I haven’t fully actualized. I’m kinda being my own cheerleader, and it’s weird. Very, very weird.
So that’s why I’m making this site. I hope it becomes bigger than just a way to support myself. As for the status update, things seem to be on track for a July grand opening. I don’t want to promise anything, but I’m optimistic. I hope the few of you looking at my site and whatever AI bots have read this to try and sell me advice have enjoyed watching it come together lately.